Hi friends! Iām Jeannette and this is the 12th issue and final issue of this season of The Sex Beat. Itās been exactly a year since I published the first issue of the current season. Wow! The last few months have been intense but I managed to submit my dissertation ā just in time ā at the end of October. (One day I will stop procrastinating lol.) Since then, Iāve been thinking about how my perspective towards sex and gender have changed, and how The Sex Beat will be different now that my research is done. So this issueās going to be a bit of a personal one. As always, itās super easy to unsubscribe.Ā
I still canāt believe I wrote a 40,000-word monster that was only able to cover a tiny drop in the ocean that is sex. In the acknowledgement section of my thesis, I wrote that I was a dilettante and thatās true. Iāve gone from one obsession to another ā from advanced math in school to trumpet to bartending. My interests are sparked at random and the initial explosion eventually gives way into a more controllable flame. Math still excites me, but I no longer skip TV to solve problems.Ā Ā
Iāve tried to keep things casual in most aspects of my life. A proverb Iāve kept in mind for many years is āa rolling stone gathers no mossā. Stability, comfort, and stillness made me anxious.Ā
I began to question this mindset in 2018 and the past year of doing the slow work of in-depth research, reading and writing has changed my mind forever (or for the foreseeable future?).Ā
On studying sex
The truth is, when I signed up to research sex, I did it because I was bored in lockdown. I was grieving after Jacobās (my dog's) death. I wanted something else to focus on, and no, I wasnāt about to āmake a babyā as one friend actually suggested š. I also thought studying sex would be fun.Ā
And yes, it has been. But it has also been unpredictable and at times, simply another way to pass the time. It wasn't exactly how I imagined it to be. (I guess sex is like that as well.)Ā
In looking at Malay perspectives of sex ā when I say Malay, I mean the Malay-language, generally non-urban, non-liberal section of Malaysian society ā I realised that the English-language rhetoric I have primarily been exposed to seemed rather bland in comparison.Ā
Even messages on sex positivity and pleasure felt sterile, as if sex was yet another function (or optional feature) in the human machine.Ā
On writing about sex
The diverse representations of sex make it both easy and hard to write about. It doesnāt help that sexual discourse takes many different angles. When sex is discussed, other issues are inevitably brought into the conversation as well. Like gender, race, and even capitalism.Ā
Think about the latest discussions in the media on the OnlyFans explicit content ban and its implications on platform controls and marginalised groups. Or articles on how travel restrictions caused by COVID-19 affected the livelihoods of sex workers in Thailand.Ā
Because it has so many aspects, sex can be hard to pin down for examination. I suspected it when I began my research, but never expected how far down the rabbit hole I could go. Somehow, my dissertation went from being about pornography to being about power.Ā
As I discovered more about how people people think and talk about sex ā the act itself, as well as its related elements (like penis enhancements, vaginal remedies, positions etc.) ā I began to see that the rhetoric provides an indication of the power dynamics at work.Ā
For example, in referring to male ejaculation on Instagram, a hashtag thatās often used is #suamitewas, which means āhusband losesā. If he orgasms and ejaculates too early ie. before his partner is satisfied, the hashtag is #suamitewasawal (husband loses early). Either way, the man experiences a loss, which is an interesting alternative to the idea that sex is something women give to men.Ā
On power dynamicsĀ
The world is only black and white in fiction. The completely evil Voldemort tries to take over the world, before he is vanquished by good. After Cinderella finds her prince, her evil stepsisters who have been oppressing her get their eyes pecked out by birds. Itās a zero sum game where there is a winner and a loser; where if one group is powerful, the opposing group is powerless.Ā
In the real world, power isnāt absolute; an oppressed group in one country may be oppressing others in another. Someone may be powerless in some situations but powerful in others.Ā
There is an interesting quote that goes along the lines of: Everything is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.
If we look at how sex is talked about in media, power dynamic is often implicit in the discourse. Conversations about sex positivity ā which on Malaysian Instagram and TikTok, includes terms such as consent, pleasure, and shame ā imply that there are other powers that one has to negotiate with and/or overcome. There are also conversations about sexually marginalised groups and the many persecutions they face. In Malaysia, underage marriage is a pressing issue that is often a result of economical issues.Ā
While all this may be thought-provoking and there are certainly many issues in Malaysia that must be highlighted, I will admit that my interests lie elsewhere.Ā
On The Sex Beat
I started The Sex Beat as a podcast in 2016. It was an experiment in which I explored the less talked about pleasures and dynamics of sex. At the time, I was transitioning from journalism to a corporate job, but the name was a throwback to my previous industry. It was a beat as in a specific topic, but also beat as in sound.Ā Ā
Although the podcast went on an indefinite hiatus, it led me to an interest in sexual health (and eventually by extension, womenās health), as well as the broader topic of sex in general. Itās what led me to the topic of my Masters research project.Ā
When I revived The Sex Beat as this newsletter (so lazy with names, I know š), it was meant to be a way to document my learnings while I conducted my research.Ā
All the things that wouldnāt go into my dissertation would end up here. Was what I thought. Instead, my research led me to non-sex topics like magic and ghosts and traditional medicine. I had three chapters in my thesis and it went from slow pornography to traditional penis remedies to supernatural disturbances.Ā
So now that Iām done with my dissertation, whatās next for The Sex Beat?Ā
On future plans
This year of research has been a rough and exciting ride. And Iāve discovered a deeper interest in the topics that arenāt as centrally featured in English-language urban, liberal sexual discourse in Malaysia.Ā
For example, love spells and Malay sex manuals from the 19th century. Iām interested in things like nasi kangkang (straddled rice). To make it, a woman squats over a bowl of hot rice and lets the steam mix with her sweat (and other bodily fluids) before dripping back into the rice. She then feeds it to her husband so that he will be obedient to her.Ā
Iām also fascinated by motherhood in Malaysia ā the practice of āconfinementā after giving birth, how the Madonna-whore dichotomy does not seem to apply here, and how traditional practices have affected modern medical maternity practices.Ā Ā
So the question Iāve been pondering is: Are these topics still related to The Sex Beat?Ā
And the other question Iāve had is: Do I really need a regular newsletter to cover these topics?Ā
Since The Sex Beat has been relatively seasonal anyway, I have been toying with the idea of having pop-up seasons (inspired by Craig Modās pop-up newsletters) in different media formats, depending on topic.Ā
For example, Iāve also been curious about the growing field of andrology and have found that conversations with doctors make for rather interesting podcasts. On the other hand, a short series on Khatijah Terung āĀ a female shaman in the 19th century who wrote a book on love magic titled A Compendium of Charms for Men and Women ā might be better represented in text.Ā
But itās been a minute since I worked on anything other than my thesis, so all I want to do now is take a break and explore some other curiosities eg. my monthly Letās Talk sessions with a medical doctor.Ā
Thank you for journeying with me! And I hope to be back here again soon.
If, for any reason, you would like to get in touch ā I love feedback and digital conversations ā hit reply and letās chat!Ā